10/30/11

the definition of insanity... (and a 15 mile run)

Did I learn anything from this experience????

Well, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to apply what I learned.

I ran 15 miles yesterday. And honestly, I'm feeling great thirty-something hours later. I'm glad my body is still willing to handle all this running. I ran with my blackberry,(the phone has my playlist and makes it convenient to call for help if I get injured or an unexpected torrential downpour begins when I'm miles from home)headphones, $3, my Garmin 305, and a 16 oz bottle of water.

Boys and girls, what's missing? (I'll give you a hint- it starts with "F" and rhymes with duel.)

I am a bit reluctant to admit that I discovered that loops (yes, loops, as in around and around in big big circles) are easier on me than out-and-back when it comes to a long run. That bothers me, for some reason, but it's the truth. So this 15 miles was captured in an unorthodox loop on the boardwalk where I usually run. Weather was IDEAL for such treachery. The Asbury Park end of this loop was a bit clogged with zombies but I managed to weave through them and not get too irritated because it seems most non-residents have no concept of the fact that they don't own the entire width of the boardwalk and ought to make at least a little space for others to get around them when they're strolling along.

So this run didn't really challenge me until mile 11. I knew that I should have brought a source of electrolytes along, but I decided that if I could run ten miles with just water on a hot day, that fifteen on a mild day would be fine. Additionally, since the low sodium scare that followed my second marathon, I have made a carrying $3-$5 in cash a required part of my running gear. I didn't count, but if you include my .28 mile walk to the boardwalk from my home, I believe I pass about 6 different places that sell gatorade on this route. I pass all of them at least twice- some of them more, so I had at least eighteen different opportunities to buy gatorade during this run. But no. I just drank water. And refilled my empty bottle in Belmar.

I felt weak at mile 11. Confused. And then, I became unjustifiably weepy. (though I didn't really weep, I just thought I might if I wasn't trying to push through a run.) I wonder if other runners ever experience this- it's not because the run is hard or painful or anything that makes sense. That's what's so baffling about the unexpected... uhhh... sadness, for lack of better term. I get sad. Then I kind of get freaked out over the unexpected, unprocessed sudden onset of the emotion. I remember feeling this exact feeling during my 2nd marathon and being unable to find the reason for the sadness.

Unlike the 2nd marathon, I did not finish the run then go straight into an ambulance BUT I struggled during the entire walk home (which is just over .25 miles) and I kept reading the street signs because I wasn't sure how far from home I was. (Weird, because I walk the same street every time I head to the boardwalk.) Something was happening. I got home and felt sick, but had to pee really bad, so I assumed I was not severely dehydrated. After cooling down and taking a shower, I got really nauseous. I got in bed and hoped it would subside. Every time I drank more water it turned my stomach, but I never got physically sick and I couldn't imagine eating food while feeling like this.

So I re-learn the lesson. Hopefully for the last time. The end result of runs like this might be more defeating than skipping a scheduled run. They provoke fear and hesitation and self doubt. They make me question my body's ability to complete the marathon distance. Who needs that?

10/22/11

Shoe Testing

I was selected to test/review running shoes for the next Runner's World shoe guide. For real! I'm totally serious. A facebook/local running friend posted the information and I sent an e-mail immediately. I received a response immediately and it was kinda that simple. All I had to do was fill out a form, sign a waiver, and drive 40 minutes north to Runner's High in Metuchen to get fitted.

I'm not a shopper. I don't get much gratification out of "retail therapy" and in fact, my disdain for shopping (yeah even when it's not my dime!)disturbs me enough to occasionally question my estrogen level. I don't mind buying things I need. But when it comes to having to browse, assess, select and (oh heaven forbid) try on, I'm done after one or two fittings. The fact that I'm short but not quite in the "petite" category doesn't help. The fact that my feet are not wide enough for wide width shoes, but usually too wide for regular with shoes doesn't help. The fact that my calves rarely fit into boots that zip up also doesn't help. And the fact that my waist is so small, but I have a big butt and thick thighs doesn't help either.

But it's not all about my aesthetics: I struggle in any realm where there are too many options to select from for purchase. The grocery store. An ice cream parlor. A restaurant that has a 10 page menu. Photo packages for my kids' school or sports pictures. Jewelry shopping is out of the question. I let Priceline choose my hotels. It goes on...

The shoe guy gave me three options: Asics Gel Noosa, a new running shoe by K-Swiss, and these:


The Asics were really calling my name, but I impulsively chose the Merrell Barefoot shoes. I have been through several pairs of Asics. I already know I love the brand and that my body gets along well with them. And those colors! And bungee laces! And they glow in the dark!!! I run in bright pink Asics Speedstar 5's right now. It would be great to kick it up a notch with these attention whore running shoes. My daily wardrobe is so plain that I enjoy a bit of shock value in my running wear. I like to be the "no way will I let someone wearing THAT pass me in a run" runner... But I can't choose running shoes based on color and style. That's against the runner code, or something...

Honestly, I have wanted to try a minimalist shoe, but didn't quite want to make the investment just in case they weren't right for me. So how could I not accept a pair for free?

I haven't run in them yet, but the more I research and think about it, the more I believe this was the best selection. I HATE shoes. I feel trapped and confined in them. I never ever wear shoes at home and I struggle during a long visit in a friend's or family member's home where shoe wearing seems almost required. The shoe guy suggested that I wear them for a day or two to get used to them before I run in them. They feel like slippers. Perfect. These are supposed to be worn without socks. I have run in knee high tube socks for a better part of this year. What on earth will I use to keep my legs and ankles warm? PANTS??? Oh, I didn't get into my distaste for clothing too. I enjoy clothing that keeps me warm when I'm cold, but otherwise, my feelings for clothing and shoes are one in the same. I feel bound and limited in clothing. I don't desire to cause a sensation and prance around naked for the sake of comfort, but I'd be content in a world where I could wear underwear and an worn out comfortable tank top everywhere I go... The fact that I have to make a conscious effort not to wear the same clothes to work every day annoys me.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to get ready for my first run in minimalist shoes. And no, I'm not going to run the marathon in them, duh...

10/18/11

This is my brain on marathon training....

I have to run today. Maybe I should run tomorrow instead. Make sure I drink enough water. How big is this water bottle? How many times should I fill it and empty it before I leave? Will that create too many disruptive trips to the bathroom? Did I have any salt today? Remember to grab some salt packets from the cafeteria. Darnit, I forgot the salt packets. Are my favorite running clothes clean? What's the temperature? How should I dress for this run? Is it too windy to run on the boardwalk? I hope I don't have to run inland, or worse... on the treadmill. I can't have any wine if I'm going to run today/tonight/tomorrow morning. Wine is about 120 calories a glass. That's 12 minutes of running. Ok, so I can have wine at the end of the week *if* I run at least ____ miles. Oh but I ate that cake. That must be at least 800 calories. So I need an 8 mile run to break even but my training schedule doesn't call for more than a 5 mile run this week and if I run more than that, I might be too weak for my long weekend run. So I just have to make sure I don't waste anymore calories. Speaking of weekends, I ate a lot this weekend, if I start gaining weight, I won't run as fast/strong. Did I gain weight? Look, you can't see my abs today. I must be heavier. Darn. So much for a PR marathon. But wait, all my clothes fit fine... but I feel heavier. I should carbo load for this long run. I need the fuel. But if I don't run and I carbo load, I'm just inviting the weight to pack itself on. If I lost 5 pounds, I could be more efficient at the marathon distance. I can't try and lose weight during training, that's nuts. I can't wear those shoes to work- they'll hurt my feet and mess up my run. But I hate being in sneakers all the time. When will I have ten normal toenails again? Oh, my knee hurts a little again today. I don't want knee problems. So many runners have knee problems. If I run tonight, I'll barely have time to make dinner for the kids. I should've planned what to make for dinner. If I don't run and make dinner instead, I'll be behind in my training schedule. I need to figure out what to do about dinner NOW. If I don't feed them before I leave to run, it will stress me out the whole time. My usual route is boring. I need a new route but what time does the sun rise/set? I can't plan a new route now- what if the new route has parts that are poorly lit? I don't want to sprain my ankle. I don't want this training run to be my last training run because of a silly preventable injury like that. Maybe I should run tomorrow instead. I have to run today...

10/2/11

Push to the P(non)R (Jersey Shore Half Marathon)

At the Jersey Shore Half Marathon this morning, I had hopes for a new personal record. I didn't have dead set expectations for one, but I had hopes. I've only officially run 3 other half marathons and this was to be the first one in my home state.

Here is a scrawling about my previous half marathon where I did gain a personal record. Reading over it again, I should have known that unless I could find a way to draw the energy and passion out of myself in the same way that I did on Long Island in May, that I'd have a hard time earning a new personal record.

Today I wrote a list of 13 sets initials of people to pray for on my arm. I donned my Marathon Maniacs singlet and skull and cross bone socks and off I went. It's been a long long time since I ran hard. Two marathons in a month and a few weeks of recovery running before beginning a new marathon training schedule does not build speed. (For me, at least.) I realized this last Sunday when I attempted to pace a 10 mile run with a friend. I could not keep the damn pace. So I shut my Garmin off at mile 3 and just ran. She was wearing her Nike+, so by mile 5 I had to stop asking her what our pace was so that I didn't feel utterly defeated. I was so off of what I thought I could do with moderate simultaneous strain and ease. (That makes sense to a runner, right?) I attributed my inability to pick up the pace to a weekend of indulgent eating and just shook off that sense of apprehension and disappointment. Shit happens. Sometimes a bad run is just that. And I let it go.

The weather was great for 13.1 miles. It was cool and sunny. The entire race took place on a closed course on Sandy Hook. As usual, the first three miles were a strain. I found my pace around mile 4, but I knew that I'd have to remain in a state of discomfort for this entire run if I wanted to get near a PR. Every time I dropped to a comfortable pace, I pushed my body back into that dis-comfort zone where you know you can keep going, but you have to fight with yourself the whole time not to slack off. I had pain in my quads by mile 7. I had cramps in both my lungs by mile 8. At mile 9, I realized that my pace was STILL not good enough to guarantee a personal record- my pace was actually seconds over the pace I held on Long Island. I'd have to push even harder for FOUR MORE MILES if I wanted that PR.

Then I saw the next clock and realized that unless I could run the last miles faster by more than a minute each, there was pretty much no way I could even match my current PR, let alone beat it....

So now what? With my aching quads (Leg pain is not normal for me) and my painful burning lungs, do I just take it down a few notches? What's the point in straining if I can't accomplish the new PR? I'm going to finish the race no matter what... why suffer at this point?

Wait...

Why do I run?

Because I love it. Because I know that I get from it exactly and only what I put in. And if I painfully fought all this way for a PR, I'm not going to just slack off. I can still finish strong and still possibly surprise myself. (and defy mathematics, right?) If I slow down and essentially give up, how will I feel after the race? I kept pushing and pushing and I finished with dizziness and pain. The clock time showed a good minute and change slower than my personal record, but I am so glad I did not go down without a fight. It felt good to decide to push to the end, to keep fighting even though odds were stacked against me. If that clock showed 5 minutes slower than my PR, I would've felt shitty all week. I suppose I could muster up reasons to feel bad for missing a new personal record, but the fact that I knew that I needed to push even in the face of "failure" might be better than a new PR to me. Isn't that what running is all about? Perseverance even when it sucks? Today I learned another thing that I say to my sons all the time ought to be applied to my goals as well: Don't step up if you don't expect the best out of yourself. Expect victory and fight 'til the end like you want it. If you don't get it, at least you went down fighting the whole way. The next time, do it again.

I remember finding joy in the fact that I could run a mile with ease. Then that mile became 5k. Then it was ten miles. Now it's the half marathon. I may not be fast, but I can cover that distance on a whim without preparation. That's an accomplishment for me and I'm proud of it. I hope it isn't too long until I can say the same thing about the marathon.